Non reactivity exercises how to#

Non reactivity exercises how to#

Using it does not mean that nothing affects our feelings anymore, but that we consciously choose how to react to our inner drama because we understand the consequences of our actions. Non-reactivity becomes possible only when we realize that our need to be right and obtain consent is keeping us away from our goals. The argument can go on and on and on, and even if eventually the parties reach an understanding, the emotional residue created in the process won’t dissipate so fast. There is no dialogue, care, or friendship. All we care about is changing a negative perception of us or fending off irritating behavior. When we are in a reactive mood, we are not really interested in what the other person has to say or in his or her feelings. And more-Door slamming (“Keep talking to the walls!”), “I’m fine” (“Keep trying to appease me”).Using meaningful facial expressions and body language, such as an eye-roll, which means, “Here she goes again,” tight mouth, eyebrow raise, and a head shake that means, “You can’t even do this properly.”.“I’m hurt and angry,” “You should redeem yourself,” or, “You are not important enough for me to look up from my phone.” Giving a cold shoulder and stonewalling are forms of reactivity that send a message without words.Contrary to real calmness that involves no judgment, here the judgmental energy, which is felt even without words, triggers the other person’s reaction. When people describe an argument they’ve been involved in and say, “At least I stayed calm,” it’s not calmness they are talking about, but lack of compassion toward the other person’s feelings, and contempt toward his or her struggle to control them. Belittling others-Reactions such as, “Calm down,” expressed in a cold and patronizing manner, are offensive reactions that are meant to make the other person feel stupid and small.

Counterattack-Often when people feel attacked or guilty, they are quick to strike back, whether or not they did something wrong.Defensiveness-Self-justification and exaggerated apologies intended to prove why I’m not to blame, why you didn’t understand me correctly, and why you have to forgive me.Finger-pointing-“You are responsible for this….” “No, you are!” “But you….” “And you….” And so on.

Non-reactivity is a reaction that does not involve self-justification or an attempt to pay someone back or to hurt him or her. It’s also not exactly to “count to ten,” though taking a moment before reacting might be helpful. Non-reactivity is not non-reaction, though sometimes the best reaction is not to react, and it’s not to overlook something and keep smiling while toxic resentment is building inside us. In order to understand what non-reactivity is, we should first understand what it is not. Non-reactivity, on the other hand, is a miraculous key for creating internal serenity as well as profound and immediate transformation in any relationship. This communication pattern is so deeply rooted in our culture that using it not only seems inevitable, but is often justified by statements such as, “I don’t want to be a sucker,” or, “But she deserved it!” Reactivity is a communication pattern that resembles the exchange of verbal blows.